Unattainable

Those who are lucky enough to have friends are lucky indeed. For not everyone is so lucky.

It must be nice to have someone's shoulder to cry on. Someone you can bitch to; someone who'll hold you when you're hurt. Not everyone has someone like that.

Some of us just have friends, only a few, whom we call best friends, but they don't say such things in return do they? No, because we aren't their best friend, we're just a friend. Or worse that weird person they hang out with.

You see they have someone else that they uncover their heart and soul too. Someone they've known since they were children; or someone they met several years ago and became inseparable. I envy them. I envy all of them.

Some of us don't get those people; some of us don't get relied upon. We aren't all so lucky. Some of us are shunned, through no fault of our own, or perhaps through only our own fault. It's a mystery that will always escape me.

How do they do it? How do they make these excellent friends? How do they become someone's confidante? The most confidential things I ever hear are only overheard, everything else must be surmised.

Is it a game and I'm only a bad player? Do I not try hard enough? Or am I trying too hard? Could I find an impossibly close friend if I was more outgoing or more aloof? Does it take skill, or kindness, or just charisma? Am I letting it slip by? Is it there for the taking and I just can't grab it? And the biggest question: why has it never happened to me?

Perhaps it's my holy grail. The thing I will always fight to obtain, but never reach. The thing I will search the world over for but never earn. To me it will always be a mystery… how does it happen? Is it magic or a simple equation?

Some people spend their whole lives looking for love, but I spend my whole life looking for friendship.