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Submitted on
January 20, 2012
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Those who are lucky enough to have friends are lucky indeed. For not everyone is so lucky.

It must be nice to have someone's shoulder to cry on. Someone you can bitch to; someone who'll hold you when you're hurt. Not everyone has someone like that.

Some of us just have friends, only a few, whom we call best friends, but they don't say such things in return do they? No, because we aren't their best friend, we're just a friend. Or worse that weird person they hang out with.

You see they have someone else that they uncover their heart and soul too. Someone they've known since they were children; or someone they met several years ago and became inseparable. I envy them. I envy all of them.

Some of us don't get those people; some of us don't get relied upon. We aren't all so lucky. Some of us are shunned, through no fault of our own, or perhaps through only our own fault. It's a mystery that will always escape me.

How do they do it? How do they make these excellent friends? How do they become someone's confidante? The most confidential things I ever hear are only overheard, everything else must be surmised.

Is it a game and I'm only a bad player? Do I not try hard enough? Or am I trying too hard? Could I find an impossibly close friend if I was more outgoing or more aloof? Does it take skill, or kindness, or just charisma? Am I letting it slip by? Is it there for the taking and I just can't grab it? And the biggest question: why has it never happened to me?

Perhaps it's my holy grail. The thing I will always fight to obtain, but never reach. The thing I will search the world over for but never earn. To me it will always be a mystery… how does it happen? Is it magic or a simple equation?

Some people spend their whole lives looking for love, but I spend my whole life looking for friendship.
I owe this to everyone out there who has a best friend they can count on and I dedicate it to you!

Please tell me what you think constructive critism is always appreciated! I want to improve so tell me what is wrong, grammar, spelling, tone, construction, theme, organization, etc. I need and want to know!

This is just something I felt passionate about writing.

~FlyingPhoenixAnne

Previous Critique for #WrittenRevolution: <[link]>

Critique Questions:
-Was it confusing?
-Does the construction of the piece flow evenly?
-Does it have a definite descriptive tone that helps you picture what's happening in the narrator's mind? Or is it more of a hazy theme and lots of angry words?
-Does the piece voke any emotions from you? If so what?
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:iconsampea:
sampea Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2012
Nice text, describes very well the feeling of loneliness....
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:iconclevina:
Clevina Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2012   Writer
No problem! Glad that I could help. :)
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:iconclevina:
Clevina Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2012   Writer
Wow...I've felt the same way! :wow: (And I thought I was the only one.)

This piece definitely evoked emotions...loneliness, and frustration. :hmm:

It wasn't confusing and it is quite well-organized. As for the description, I thought that it was a bit lacking. I could understand what the narrator is talking about because I've felt the same way, but perhaps to someone who hasn't experienced this, your point wouldn't be as clear, as your piece is pretty general. You're telling the readers what you feel, while a more effective way may be to show them. Maybe you could talk about some specific incidents with your best friends to support the piece.

In addition, inserting specific incidents would make the piece more subtle, which I think would help the tone of the piece...because right now it is almost a rant. Instead you could convey your emotions through anecdotes. Just a suggestion. :)
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:iconflyingphoenixanne:
FlyingPhoenixAnne Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2012  Student Writer
It was meant to be a kind of rant. :) Thank you for all the suggestions and critical analysis though! I realize now that it is a rather general piece that's why I was worried about it being vague and confusing. Thank you!
Reply
:iconclevina:
Clevina Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2012   Writer
No problem! Glad that I could help. :)
(Sorry I posted the same comment in the wrong place. xD)
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:iconvelocity07:
velocity07 Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2012
The last line is especially lovely. :heart:
Reply
:iconflyingphoenixanne:
FlyingPhoenixAnne Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you! I love Idina Menzel!
Reply
:iconvelocity07:
velocity07 Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2012
You're welcome. I love her too. ;)
Reply
:iconcytibor:
Cytibor Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2012  Professional Writer
Very nice. :) I'm new to both DA and tWR, but I'll attempt to answer your questions anyway. ;)
- Was it confusing? No, not at all, I thought the thought process was very well constructed, it progressed in ways that made sense to me.
- Does it flow evenly? Yes, I think it does. Someone plumbing the depths of their own mind for answers is a personal thing, but I think it came out very well.
- Can I picture what is going on, or is it hazy? I can picture it, definitely. I think all of us have had these moments of self-doubt, and that really helped me relate to what was being said.
- Does the piece evoke any emotion in me? Yes, absolutely. I'm not a very emotional individual, but it definitely spoke to me, and I felt... for lack of a better word, close to the speaker, like I was in their shoes, asking the questions they asked. The end really helps drive this home.
I hope these answers are helpful to you, I'm no professional but I figured I would give it a whirl since I enjoyed the piece. :D
Reply
:iconflyingphoenixanne:
FlyingPhoenixAnne Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you so much! I'm so happy you liked it! It's the first time I've submitted anything literary in a long time, so was a litle hesitant. I'm always thrilled to recieve feedback! Thank you for the very through answers that's more than you can usually expect! Thank you again!
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